Knowing Yourself

The Migration South 2025

A few weeks ago, I was lying on my bed, reflecting on how much my life has changed. I realized how difficult it had become just to function and step outside to enjoy nature. I've always been someone who thrives in natural settings; I love the fresh air, plants, flowers, and even insects. However, mosquitos are definitely not for me; those blood-sucking insects can just freeze to death. The issue was, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, nor could I pinpoint how long I had been this new person who felt anxious about simply going outside to sit.

This was my moment of realization; I recognized that something was amiss with me. I investigated the issue, questioning why I felt so unmotivated and anxious about simple activities I once enjoyed. I used to find joy in these activities while drinking. I loved being outdoors, working in the yard or garden, and then treating myself to a few cold beers once the work was done. I felt I had earned those beers and the chance to sit back and relax. 

My research found this one word, I had never seen this word and I've never heard anyone speak about it. Anhedonia - is a symptom characterized by the inability to experience pleasure or enjoyment from activities that were previously rewarding. Ding, ding, ding! Talk about lightbulbs turning on. My research went further than that but, I just want to give you this basic idea. I don't want to talk about the spiral of research that made me start thinking I identified as all five a's of schizophrenia. 

We understand our bodies, minds, and spirits. Sometimes life changes, or we stop doing something as simple as taking medication or drinking (though this is not simple). Pay attention to the signs of change within and listen to your body when it starts signaling, "Hey, something is wrong! This isn't who you are." Hear that voice, sit back, and listen to what your body, mind, and spirit are communicating to you. Begin examining the evidence of who you were when that change occurred. Consider the circumstances that altered the path of what you connected with. If you kept a diary or still do, start reviewing it to identify patterns of change. 

If you feel disconnected from yourself, pause and investigate. Consider when the changes began, what shifted around or within you, and who you were spending time with. All these external influences shape who we are today. This doesn't mean change is impossible; rather, understanding these factors can make transformation easier to initiate.

Over the past two weeks, I've begun to truly live again. I challenge myself by extending my comfort zone, spending five minutes outside one day and ten minutes the next. I continue to push beyond my current comfort zone to rediscover the things I once loved but no longer find joyful. After two weeks of this, going outside becomes second nature, free from thoughts of the past. It seamlessly integrates into my routine. I've developed new habits; I go outside, enjoy a cup of coffee, and simply relax. 

I don't have to do or prove anything in order to just sit down outside and relax, that's another lesson we'll learn about.